Falling
by bri1216
Summary: tag to What is and What Should Never Be.


Falling

"And we just never, you know…" his voice wavered and he swallowed thickly.

"Yeah." Sam glanced at his brother and knew he should tread lightly. "I'm glad we do. I'm glad you dug yourself out, Dean. Most people wouldn't have had the strength, they woulda just stayed." He watched Dean clench his jaw and blink rapidly.

"Yeah, lucky me." He shook his head and cleared his throat roughly. "I gotta tell you though man, I mean…you had Jess, Mom was gonna have grandkids."

"Yeah, but, Dean…it wasn't real." Sam could tell his brother was having a hard time with this.

"I know, but I wanted to stay." He swallowed thickly, "I wanted to stay so bad. I mean ever since Dad…we've lost so much. We've sacrificed so much." His voice broke and Sam fought the urge to pull his brother close.

"People are alive because of you. It's worth it, Dean, it is. It's not fair and it hurts like Hell…" he watched the elders' jaw work to keep the tears at bay. "But it's worth it." He knew he had heard him but instead of acknowledging him, he stared at the dark brown stain on the carpet. "You sure you're ok?" Dean had been through a lot in the past few hours and Sam was ready to catch him when he finally fell.

Dean nodded curtly and his whole body shuddered with a swallowed sob. Sam felt his own eyes well when his brother collapsed next to him and let out a slow, uneven breath.

"She felt so real. She smelled just like how I remember her…sugar cookies and lilac." He blinked furiously as two tears swiftly slipped down his cheeks. "She knew what she used to whisper to me before I went to bed." As a choked sob rose in his chest, he coughed and wiped his face. "But she wasn't real. She wasn't Mom." His voice broke against his will and he mentally cursed himself.

Sam tentatively laid a comforting hand between Dean's shoulder blades and rubbed gently.

His eyes pooled over again and he shrugged his brother off. "Dammit, Sam." Raking a hand through his light brown hair and wiping the tears from his jade eyes, he moved towards the door. "I need some air."

Sam grabbed his brother's jacket and followed him out the door. "Dean!" he gripped his shoulder and spun him around, shocked to see tears flowing down the elders' cheeks. "Hey," he held the leather coat out and kept one hand resting on his brother's arm, "talk to me, man." Dean accepted his coat but brought it back inside and tossed it on the bed before heading into the bathroom. "Dean." Sam tapped gently on the wood. Expecting it to be locked, he was grateful when he turned the knob and the door creaked open.

His brother was huddled in the corner, back against the porcelain tub. His head was buried in his arms and his body rocked slowly as his shoulders trembled with suppressed emotion. "Hey…" Sam knelt beside him, his arm barely brushing his siblings' elbow; the contact just enough to let Dean know he was there.

After several minutes of silence, Dean lifted his eyes to meet his brother's. The lost look mixed with the glistening tears shattered Sam's heart.

"This one's tough, Sammy." Dean muttered as water collected around his lashes. Sam waited patiently for him to continue but when he didn't, he did something they hadn't done for fifteen years.

Dean had started doing it when Sam was five. Winchester's didn't really hug unless one of them was dying, and usually not even then. So when his baby brother had needed some extra comfort, he would squeeze his hand gently or sometimes hold it. Most would think that a hug would be more manly or mature, but the strength of a brother's calloused hand outweighed an awkward embrace.

Sam opened his palm and held a large hand to the elder. Dean's breathing hitched and Sam could tell he was strongly debating whether or not to accept his gesture. "I know it's hard, Dean." He whispered, hand still outstretched, "but you're the strongest man I've ever known. And I know you're not going to let this destroy you." Dean's hand jerked as a single tear slipped from its' duct. "But I know it hurts. And I wish I could help you, but I know you, man. You won't let this go." A sob wracked the frame of the elder and a choked cough escaped. "Just let me in a little."

Sam waited with his hand open and watched his brother slowly break. Deans' shoulders trembled and his hand shook when he brought it towards Sam's and grasped it firmly. Sam cradled Dean's right hand with his left and brought his opposite arm around his brother's shoulders. He soothingly rubbed his thumb across Dean's bicep as droplets of saltwater rained onto his hand. Dean was clutched it so tightly, both of their knuckles turned white.

Dean knelt his forehead to rest on their interlocked hands and tried to catch his breath. He felt Sam place his head atop his own and realized it was useless to fight him. He released a sob, unrestrained and raw. And another followed, then another. Before he could stop himself he was in one of the dreaded moments he worked so hard to stay out of. And Sam wasn't even the one crying, it was just him. _'Damn it, Damn it, Damn it.' _ He silently cursed his emotions and tried to calm himself but ended up nearly hyperventilating. Sam just sat beside him, rubbing his shoulder, squeezing his hand, whispered to him. Dean could feel his warm breath ruffle his hair and he cried harder. After the death of his father then seeing his mom back in a normal life; the perfect life, he couldn't take it anymore. He'd had a beautiful girl, Sammy had Jess, they had mom…but he didn't have Sam. The one thing that had been constant in his screwy life, the one person he knew he would always love and protect…had hated him. And as he cried into the arms of that one person, he knew that their lives were far form perfect but Sammy was his anchor, always there when he would need him. Always there to catch him when he fell.

Neither knew how long they stayed linked together or how long it had taken before Dean composed himself, but for once, they didn't care. Sam had almost lost his brother and Dean had to go through losing his mother and everyone else once more. Finally, Dean coughed and brought his head up, causing Sam to pull back. Sam looked into his brother's watery gaze with compassion and concern as Dean fashioned his trademark 'everything's ok' grin. Their hands were still locked and neither released their hold just yet. For now they were content to sit in silence and embrace the obvious love emanating from each other. They were happy to be brothers; they were happy tp be together.


End file.
